


Out of the Flying Pan, Into the Fire

by AnonEhouse



Category: Firefly, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AO3 1 Million, Alternate Universe - Firefly Verse, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Marvel Avengers Fusion, Avengers/Firefly fusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Told from the POV of Captain Fury of the Hellcarrier, Poseidon. Fury has enough to worry about with Chitauri and spies and his broken down ship (don't call her POSY, it makes him mad), but somehow he's also gathered a group of misfits for crew.</p><p>He draws the line very, very firmly, when a wild-eyed young engineer with a laundry list of character defects shows up, though. He does not NEED a consultant. Sure he doesn't. He ... awww...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the Flying Pan, Into the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> There are a few, scattered, non-English phrases-the translations are hidden under gray, highlight to read. If you've chosen "Hide Creator's Style" you'll see the hidden sections as normal text.
> 
>  ~~The Chinese translations are via Google, so I assume they are terrible.~~. LeAwesomeOneIX has kindly attempted to improve them, and I've edited in their suggestions. The Russian translations are from Wikipedia, so I assume they're not all that great, either.
> 
> There's one brief, not detailed sex scene, and while Rhodey and Maria are married, they don't have nookie, and alas, Thor didn't appear anywhere in my dream- yes, this fic was based on a dream. I dug out the scribble of the idea and quick wrote it up for the Million fanwork day celebration.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Shénme cāo shì?"What the fuck? Fury shouted at the sight, and sound, of his recently hired engineer screwing a young man in the middle of the engine compartment, with the vital parts exposed. The engine's vital parts, that is. He didn't consider Justin Hammer's equipment vital. Bad enough Fury was stuck with hauling a Companion around, but at least Rogers didn't rut in public.

Hammer scrambled up, grabbing wildly at his trousers and clutching them in front of himself. Neither he nor his conjugal playmate had taken off their shirts which somehow made it even more vulgar. "Nick! I mean, Captain Fury, sir! I was just... I'd finished and...I found this stowaway, and he was... trying to bribe me to let him stay on board Poseidon!"

Hammer's young man made a noise that drew Fury's attention to his scowling face under a thatch of spiky dark hair. The kid - couldn't be much more than twenty and scrawny at that, stood up, ignoring his pantsless state to grab a beat up data pad. He whacked it. It lit up blue and he held it in front of Fury's face. It showed a diagram of Poseidon's engine with large red Xs put over sections. The kid pointed to Hammer, and to the Xs and grimaced, giving him a thumbs down. "Justin," Fury said after comparing the diagram to the botched work. "get your lily-white ass off my ship before I put my boot up it." He was too angry even to shout. Hammer yanked on his trousers and ran for the hatch.

"HILL," Fury shouted, "we gotta find another gorram engineer!"

Maria Hill wandered in, cradling her assault rifle in both arms. "You off Hammer? Bout time. He's been fuckin' up poor old Posy, ain't he?"

Fury turned to her. "Don't call my baby Posy." Fury patted the engine housing. "Yeah, I knew he wasn't much, but I thought he had enough care for his own hide to do a passable job."

"Who's the kid?" Hill asked. "An' what's he doin'?"

"Stowaway, Hammer said." Fury turned back to see the kid up to his waist in the engine, both hands busily making adjustments. "HEY! You got any idea what you're doing, kid?"

A hand came back out, and made a thumbs up. A moment later, the kid emerged, and whacked the data pad again. One of the red Xs vanished. He grinned at Fury.

"Huh." Fury looked at the engine, at the data pad, and at the kid. "Cover your ass. I don't need your junk gettin' caught in the works."

The kid opened his mouth and laughed, silently.

"Nǐ zhège sǐ yātou, nǐ zuò shénme guǐ shì?" What the ever fucking love is wrong with you, boy?

The kid tilted his head, and then brought up a hand to brush his hair back, revealing an ugly scar.

"So you can't talk."

"Looks like he knows his way around an engine. And he won't be asking for a raise," Hill pointed out. "Hey, maybe the doc can help him?"

"Yeah, maybe. Tell you what, kid, you fix the engines and I'll have our doctor look at you. See if maybe he can fix _you_."

The kid narrowed his eyes, but after a moment he nodded.

 

"Hey, doc?" Fury leaned his head into the compartment they'd set up as an infirmary long before they stumbled over Bruce and his sister, Natasha. Bruce was quiet, most of the time, unless he got pissed off, but his sister was just plain eerie, all the time. "Got someone I'd like you to check over." The kid was hovering behind him, jittering nervously. At least Fury assumed it was nerves that made him bounce from foot to foot, but then, he'd been constantly moving ever since Fury had first seen him. Maybe he didn't have an off switch.

"New engineer?" Bruce said while turning on the light over the examination table.

"How'd you..." Fury saw Natasha then, standing in the corner, black clothes and dark red hair blending into the shadows in a way that really shouldn't be possible. "She told you."

Bruce shrugged. "Natasha knows things." His expression darkened, taking on the green tinge it always got when he was angry. "Ever since the Red Room had her."

"Yeah." Fury didn't want to get into that. Last time Bruce got mad, expensive things got broken. And the last time Natasha got angry, she ballet danced a bunch of Chitauri to death. The Bannerova twins were weapons Fury liked to keep aimed well away from himself. "Well," he said, dragging the engineer kid by the scruff of the neck and pushing him in front, "this is the kid. He don't talk. I don't really mind that none, cuz the rest of you talk too much, but I think he's scrambled upstairs. I need you to check out his workin's, make sure he's got all his engineer connections soldered tight."

"Well, yes, I _am_ that kind of doctor, but you know, I can only do so much here," Bruce said mildly. He patted the kid on his shoulder and guided him to lie down on the examination table. "Hmm," Bruce said, which in Fury's experience, never meant anything good. "Oh. That's interesting." He lifted the kid's heavy black shirt, and a blue-white light emerged.

The kid yelled in his weirdly silent way, rolled off the table, grabbed a scalpel and ... Natasha stuck him in the neck with a hypodermic needle. The kid crumpled. Bruce grabbed the hypo and read the label. "Just a sedative. He'll be fine." He picked the kid up and sat him in a chair. "I guess I scared him when I touched his prosthetic."

Natasha said, "Vot gde sobaka zaryta." That's where the dog is buried. English equivalent: That’s where the shoe pinches; That’s the crux (the rub). 

"No one speaks Russian!" Fury threw up his hands. "I oughta dump the kid before he wakes up."

Bruce gave Fury a reproachful look.

"I'd pay 'im what I owe for the work, but I don't need no more three-legged cats on my Hellcarrier!" Fury reached for the kid. A alarm blared and the lights went emergency red. "Sǐ jiāhuo!" Bug fucking buggers! "Chitauri!" Fury didn't bother hitting the intercom as he ran for the flight deck.

Hill's husband, Rhodey, was already diving into the pilot's seat when Fury arrived. "Get her up! Kuài dā dītóu!" Duck fucking, now! .

"Yeah, yeah, hold onto your hair," Rhodey said, without glancing up. "Maria said some kid fixed the engine? Better hope so, cuz those bugs are comin' in hot."

"Strap in!" Fury shouted over the com. "Gonna be rough!"

Rhodey slammed the thrust controls on. The ship bucked and leaped up at an angle, reaching for black space in a few seconds. Rhodey's toy armadillos flew off the console and out the hatch. "WHOOO HOOO!" Rhodey yelled as things rattled and clunked and smashed in the aft compartments. "NOW, THAT, I LIKE! Go, POSY, GO!"

"Don't call my ship POSY!" Fury yelled.

 

"Ok," Fury said to himself as he stalked the corridors after they'd reached clear space, well out of Chitauri sensor range, "Can't dump the kid in space. But the next stop, off he goes. I don't NEED no more aggro."

"What's that, sir?" 

Fury looked up into the honest, shining, too handsome to be pretty, too pretty to be handsome, face of the Companion, Steve Rogers. "Nothin' to do with you. You an' your 'Make Love, Not War' philosophizing. You're just a passenger!" Fury found himself giving in to Rogers' 'suggestions' all too often. The man had a big, generous heart, but Fury had a tight damn budget. "I can't be pickin' up every stray in the 'verse!"

"Strays, sir?" Rogers blinked big, innocent blue eyes at him and Fury felt himself weakening. "You mean Reverend Coulson? Just because Natasha said he was a spy? You know, Natasha's a sweet girl, but sometimes she imagines things."

"Eh," Fury said, "so he's a spy. I don't give a fuck. He pays his passage and don't piss me off. Spy money spends, too. What are you doing out of your quarters? You know I don't like you traipsing around, getting my crew all riled up. And Coulson. I swear the eyes were about to fall out of that man's head first time he seen you."

Rogers blushed and pulled his embroidered silk kimono closer to his body. Which didn't really help matters, in Fury's opinion. "The take-off ... I fell out of bed." He held up his arm. "I cut myself, so I was going to get a bandage from the good doctor."

"Don't get his blood pressure up," Fury remarked. They turned a corner, and ran into Clint, the assassin/mercenary Fury had bribed to turncoat after Loki tried to steal the Hellcarrier. He was uncouth, but lethal. Fury rather liked him.

"Hey, we almost died! We should have some 'glad we're alive sex'!" Clint grinned and grabbed for Rogers' ass.

Rogers brought his elbow around in a swift sweep, hitting Clint in the stomach and sending him flying into the infirmary. "Gosh!" Steve said, "I'm so sorry! I can't help my reflexes!" He looked apologetically at Fury. "I hope I didn't break him."

"Nah," Fury said, stepping over Clint to get into the infirmary. "He's unbreakable."

"Oh, who's this; he's cute." Steve said, bending down to peer at the kid engineer, who was lying on the floor in a heap. 

"Nobody you need to know," Fury said.

"He's a boy with a mechanical heart and something wrong with his brain," Bruce said. He was peering into a scope. "He can't talk."

Natasha piped up from the shadows, "Umnaya golova, da duraku dostalas'." A clever head, but given to foolishness. "His name is Tony," she said, from wherever she got her secret information. "He likes sex, and machines." She tilted her head. "Or sex with machines?"

The kid woke up, blinked and smiled at Steve. 

Steve looked at Fury. "I could use an apprentice." 

Tony grinned at Steve.

Fury knew he was doomed.


End file.
